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Now that I've made myself tipsy enough so that my fingers feel like they're floating on the keys, I think,
and this is something I never questioned before, though the answer may be obvious (being "duh")...
well, the question is "Why do I need to get a little (to very) drunk to start writing?"
This came forth because of a conversation that upset me earlier.
And, now that I am (dizzy drunk), I understand why.
I'm too self conscious to begin.
When tackling a new subject... something I have a slight (to severe) difficulty writing about, I feel like any first lines, though always re-worked in the future, are CRAP.
And this is possibly one of my most problematic impediments (of a few).
I'm very insecure when it comes to academical matters.
I'm consciously aware that I have no reason to be.
But I am entitled to my neuroses.
I need to write out my thesis proposal.
So that I can write my thesis.
Which is a study of 3 "manifestos."
Shelley's "A Defence of Poetry."
"Modern Giants" from The Germ.
"Manifesto" from Blast.
And what now?
Fill a page with dizzy lines that will make it so much easier for me when sober.
Because I am, and sad as this may seem, most enlightened when I don't care.
Even drunker now... I recall the first time I ever had an open conversation that was a structuralist analysis of everything that surrounded me and my friends... my eyes were closed and I couldn't stand up.
What many people don't understand, and this goes beyond justification,
though I don't expect anyone to ever understand,
is that I have extreme difficulty accessing thoughts at times.
They need to be brought to light so that I can talk about them.
I could call it a disability. It happens to me.
There's depressed drunks. Obnoxious drunks.
I'm an intellectual drunk.
and this is something I never questioned before, though the answer may be obvious (being "duh")...
well, the question is "Why do I need to get a little (to very) drunk to start writing?"
This came forth because of a conversation that upset me earlier.
And, now that I am (dizzy drunk), I understand why.
I'm too self conscious to begin.
When tackling a new subject... something I have a slight (to severe) difficulty writing about, I feel like any first lines, though always re-worked in the future, are CRAP.
And this is possibly one of my most problematic impediments (of a few).
I'm very insecure when it comes to academical matters.
I'm consciously aware that I have no reason to be.
But I am entitled to my neuroses.
I need to write out my thesis proposal.
So that I can write my thesis.
Which is a study of 3 "manifestos."
Shelley's "A Defence of Poetry."
"Modern Giants" from The Germ.
"Manifesto" from Blast.
And what now?
Fill a page with dizzy lines that will make it so much easier for me when sober.
Because I am, and sad as this may seem, most enlightened when I don't care.
Even drunker now... I recall the first time I ever had an open conversation that was a structuralist analysis of everything that surrounded me and my friends... my eyes were closed and I couldn't stand up.
What many people don't understand, and this goes beyond justification,
though I don't expect anyone to ever understand,
is that I have extreme difficulty accessing thoughts at times.
They need to be brought to light so that I can talk about them.
I could call it a disability. It happens to me.
There's depressed drunks. Obnoxious drunks.
I'm an intellectual drunk.
Current Mood: 
busy
busyCurrent Music: Robots In Disguise - I'm Hit
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bored yet amused
blah
optimistic