I'm in my mom's office looking for random things on gutenberg.org  because I have nothing better to do.
I don't remember coming across this before, but sort of.
It's making me giggle out loud, I thought I'd share a few definitions from The Devil's Dictionary.


ACCORD, n. Harmony.

ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold.

ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

ADVICE, n. The smallest current coin.

ALONE, adj. In bad company.

APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

BACCHUS, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

BACK, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.

BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

BEG, v. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.

BIGOT, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

BRANDY, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it.

BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

CABBAGE, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

CANNIBAL, n. A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.

CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

CAVILER, n. A critic of our own work.

CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.



I gotta go.
If you enjoy this, you should click.